Grease, Grit, and a Little Vitamin D: A Cabbie’s Guide to Not Dying Too Soon
Being a cab driver is not for the faint of heart — or the faint of lungs, pancreas, or lower back. I would argue the three biggest health threats to the average taxi driver are:
- Smoking
- Bad diets
- Lack of exercise
(…and in my case, a bonus: low vitamin D from working nights.)
Turns out vitamin D is not just for bone health — studies now link deficiency to colon cancer, heart disease, and probably bad moods during February.
Step 1: Stop Smoking (Or at Least Vape While Trying)
Driving all night can get boring. Boring leads to smoking. Smoking leads to disease, debt, and lectures from your dentist. I was burning through a pack a night. Quitting sucked, but I survived.
Vaping? Maybe slightly better. Maybe not. Either way, your gums will thank you. And gum disease is not just gross — it is expensive, permanent, and linked to heart disease. Add sugar to the mix and you are pouring gasoline on a slow-moving fire in your mouth.
Step 2: Avoid the Drive-Thru of Doom
Let us not name names, but you know who you are. Those smiling clowns and royalty-themed chains slinging child-size meals full of fat, salt, and sadness. Fast food is not food. It is a legal addiction system.
Obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure — these are not personal failures. They are engineered outcomes of an industry that runs on greed, ignorance, and corn syrup. And when the sugar industry dumps fertilizer into Florida’s water systems and wildlife starts washing ashore, no one connects the dots. Parents: that “Happy Meal” is child abuse wrapped in a toy.
Thank goodness Big Pharma is there with overpriced pills to manage the fallout — and maybe a Xanax so we do not care.
Step 3: Move Your Body (Eventually)
I sit all day. I tried quitting smoking, changed my diet, still did not lose weight. My bloodwork? Not bad — low on vitamin D, thyroid a little high. So, I started small:
- Sunlight + Stillness: Meditate in the sun and pretend it is therapy. Vitamin D is nicknamed the sunshine vitamin for a reason — your skin converts sunlight into health (and occasionally wrinkles).
- Mild Motion: I sometimes wander to the amphitheater to jog. Jury’s out on that one. But I have committed to a basketball court and pool. High-impact and low-impact. Balance. If it attracts a few hookers? Bonus cardio.
Other Cabbie Traps: Cash & Chaos
Daily cash can be dangerous. It feeds all the classic vices: drugs, alcohol, gambling, and yes, sex workers. If you have got an addictive personality, being a cabbie can feel like working inside a casino that drives.
Self-control is key. So is keeping your car clean and your conscience cleaner.
️ Back When I Was a Chef…
Before the cab, I was a Certified Executive Chef — ACF-approved, pastry-certified, sauce-obsessed. My kitchen ran on butter, cream, booze, and stress. I served prime rib, veal, lobster, tournedos with foie gras and truffle sauce — the kind of menu that would make a cardiologist cry.
Twelve cases of butter and cream a week. I was a cholesterol pusher and proud of it. Anthony Bourdain got it right: kitchens are full of fire, passion, and addiction. Competitive alpha energy and long hours. You earn that burn.
Ironically, back then I was skinny — possibly because I sweated out a gallon a day in those hotboxes, we called kitchens. Now, I do not drink, do not smoke, eat clean… and I am fat. Thanks, aging.
Final Thoughts from the Front Seat
Being healthy is hard. Being healthy in a cab is harder. But it is not impossible. Moderation helps. So does awareness. And a salad occasionally.
Try to resist the industries built to profit off our destruction — tobacco, fast food, sugar, pharma. You might not win, but you will slow them down.
If you are going to party, please do not drive.
If you must gamble, call Uber.
If you want to get home safe — call Abraxi.
Stay smart. Stay weird. And stay alive.
