Hookers, Rum, and Cocaine: A 2019 Taxi Operator’s Fever Dream
Posted by Abraxi Taxi
Let me tell you a story about lawsuits, lawyers, and local government. A tale of good intentions, absurd expenses, and the kind of stress that makes you want to flee to Costa Rica with a suitcase full of cash — or at least a good bottle of rum.
Back in 2019, I hired a lawyer to sue the City of Saint Augustine under FDUPTA — the Florida Deceptive and Unfair Trade Practices Act. Why? Because I believed the city was enforcing taxi regulations unevenly and unfairly, putting small companies like mine at a disadvantage while letting unlicensed operators cruise right through.
Fast forward a few months and… crickets.
I sent the lawyer a polite email. No response. A month passed. Still nothing. So I sent a follow-up:
“Perhaps you’ve been on vacation. Or perhaps you’ve absconded to Costa Rica with my retainer. If so, kindly let me know. I’ll hop on the next flight and meet you there. We can split the hookers, rum, and cocaine.”
I’m kidding (sort of). But when you run a small business under constant pressure from shifting rules, unpredictable income, and uneven enforcement, humor is the only thing keeping you sane.
Taxi Rules, Double Standards, and Hard Choices
At the time, I had four vehicles in my fleet. Two had already been inspected under new city regulations. The remaining two needed to be brought up to compliance — to the tune of about $1,000 per vehicle. And here’s the kicker: Abraxi Taxi would’ve been the only company in town actually following the rules.
So what was the right move?
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Comply now and hope the lawsuit leads to fairness?
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Stall and wait for guidance from my MIA attorney?
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Or cut my losses and prepare to scale back?
It didn’t help that August, September, and October are dead months for business in Saint Augustine. Even if I found drivers — which was already hard enough — it wasn’t going to be worth the overhead. I made the hard call to sell one of my vans and consider whether I should even renew my commercial insurance policy in February 2020.
One War at a Time
If I’m honest, I felt like I was in a war I couldn’t win. And like any overworked taxi owner with a side of insomnia, I started wondering if I had another lawsuit — this one against a local car dealership. But I couldn’t afford to fight on two fronts. So I waited. And waited.
Seven months in, I went back and reread the lawyer’s emails. To be fair, they did say the case might take 12 to 18 months. So maybe I jumped the gun a bit. Instead of pestering him again, I decided to do what I do best: vent on my blog.
That brings us here.
Lessons Learned (or Not)
Running a small cab company in Saint Augustine means constantly dodging financial potholes, avoiding regulatory sinkholes, and trying not to get swallowed whole by the bureaucratic black hole. It’s exhausting. And when the city you love doesn’t enforce the rules evenly, it’s enough to make you wonder if fighting is even worth it.
So I’m putting this one in the time capsule — a blog record of one man’s attempt to play by the rules, hold the system accountable, and not lose his mind in the process. Maybe in 2020, this will all seem quaint. Maybe not.
But if you’re reading this in the future and wondering how it all played out — well, let’s just say I never made it to Costa Rica.
Yet.
